fragments (monologue)

monologue
The morning creeps like a slow train over the busy intersection. My body refuses to move and my mind offers different kind of advice, such as: call in sick today, be late and blame the broken car and my favorite one, “why don’t you try to commit suicide?” The hold is that I have to get up for it and don’t have the willpower and time to hold my breath long enough.
It is too early by any measures, the sun hangs somewhere above the ocean between the two continents. The city is sleeping. But if you were me and you worked for the local community hospital, it would be your time to get up, three days a week. And don’t even try to use the broken car excuse when you are late, because if you do, it is a definite sign of a burnout. And if anyone ever told you that you can take a vacation, change something in your life and get better - it is total bullshit. Let me guide you through some insights, if you burnout you burnout, ashes here and ashes there, ashes everywhere, even on vacation. Don’t even think that one day you will spring back to life like a Phoenix. Personally, I would have difficulty to choose between ashes or being ablaze over and over again. I guess that both cases have their pros and cons.
I mentioned already about my work. There are a few details to add to it. Hospitals are the strange places to work. Firstly, those places do not have any schedule or sense, they run on crises from minute to minute continually. Secondly, even if you go there as a visitor, most likely the thunder will hit you overhead “CPR team stat….” Is this sound familiar? And just in case if you wonder, it always means that someone’s heart just stopped. I avoid those casual hospital visits as much as I avoid the funeral homes.
If you happened to be a RN and work in a hospital, as I am, your body runs on high level of adrenalin from the moment you enter the place to the moment when you exit it and close the door behind you. Well, sometimes longer, if you happened to cut a few corners during your twelve hour shift due to the busyness, fatigue or who knows what, maybe you are PMSing or you caught your husband a day before, comfortably cheating on you, while you work your twelve hours. At least you got some comfort to know that you’re not losing your mind, as your husband tried to convince you when you found an extra toothbrush in your bathroom. You know now, she had moved in part time.
I guess you got it by now,....cont...