fragments (drift)

DRIFT
The feeling is strange at least and nothing to compare to.
It is Real… THIS IS IT! And I know it right away…
I do believe in God. And first time in a real one,
The rules of Death differ from the rules of Life.
I believe in a merciless and indifferent God.
My body is crashed and ironed by the forces from hell.

And, please, shut that hovelling bitch!
It isn’t a grief, it is a fear that I may live. ..
For god sake, can I have a moment of attention?
This is me, unconscious and nude, wet and soapy
from unfinished shower, on the cold fucking floor.
I knew, I should carpet this hallway, but no!
“I wanna marble. I wanna marble.”
Look at the picture now! She sits in a comfortable chair.
Uncle Tom hangs her a glass of water, kids by her side;
And I am in my own vomit down on the fancy stone.
Not if that matters anymore.

I can bet you a buck, if I would have,
that one of those panicking assholes, running around,
would step on my face. Just a matter of time.
Hey you, watch up! …Speaking about time. What about
some CPR. The time is running; it is limited for me.
I don’t have an eternity anymore, unlike all of you!

The “experts” will tell you, that the moment of death
will flush your entire life in the front of your eyes.
The tunnel of light will attract and carry you through
Or, if you’re one unlucky bastard, will dump you in sewage.
They will add angels or devils celebrating your arrival at the end.
I can tell you the truth of this moment. It is cold,
uncomfortable and frustrating with one hovering wish.
I wish it would be over.

Do I hear the sirens? One of them called 911, after all.
I hope paramedics would get in time. And this horrible pain…
I hear the sirens closer and closer.
Wait a minute, where do they go?
Why the sound faints, drifts away?!….

Paramedics are happy: they can’t perform the miracle.
it is too late for resurrection.
At this time the Lazarus stays where he belongs.
They put nice show with all the trinkets from the hat.
My wife is happy; I didn’t make it after all.
Those two kids are crying bitterly and sincerely.
But I don’t know why? And I don’t care anymore.