fragments (regression session)

Regression session

In my life I have experimented with a few things, like we all do. There are many reasons for those experimentations but only one underlying cause, we are looking for answers and we want to step out from our current mess and step in to the next level, whatever it is. Boredom is a motivator. And graduating from a bear drinker to hard liqueur has as much psychological validation as an enrolment from a flimsy associate degree to the more solid, masters.
Anyway, back to my experiences. I have experimented a lot in the realms of psychology, spirituality and the supernatural. Yes, sure call me a relic. For what I am.
I never hold any strong beliefs other than belief in the results. My generation was naïve, we were so” close” to discover the Way, formula of enlighntment and a free pass for all humanity into nirvana. We worked tirelessly. From the perspective of time it reminds me of a Philosophic Stone in the Medieval Ages. But back in my time, I was an enthusiastic forerunner. To my defense, I was skeptic and when my friends were grouching in disappointments; I was thriving in collecting all the negative results, in hope to sneak on truth by process of elimination.
I have an exceptional memory and in addition I have a nasty habit to write everything down. So nothing passes by unnoticed or lost. And if I have never found any Path, I accumulated plenty of notes I can tell and write stories to the rest of my life. Here is one of them.
All my friends were fascinated with expensive life regression sessions. It was a hot topic for years. From those sessions, we all were royalty, heroes and generals in the past. I was skeptical about the fact where all of the peasants, thieves and prostitutes go. I did not join my friends in this endeavor; I knew I would have to pull that bad card. For another reason I didn’t trust any of those greedy sneaky therapists, who got a degree in psychology as a minor in addition to the other big and useless one. And probably they got so many psychology credits because it was their weak spot.
After years of “convincing” talk about the benefits and freedom that the therapy offers, I finally gave up. I agreed to one regression-cession. And I thought I still outsmarted my friends. I agreed to have that session with one of them. I convinced one of them, that after so many sessions he knew the routine. I hoped that he did not have sufficient training to mess with my mind.
And here we go “count to ten… feel relaxed… follow my voice… go deeper... where are you?”
I am thinking “in your family room” and in relation to the regression it is nowhere. “ nowhere” I said.
Question “ what do you see?”
I think again ”In relation to what?” I answered “Nothing”.
“How do you feel?”
My thought “If you just shut up for a moment, I will fall asleep.” Answer “ Relaxed.”
“ Good. What do you hear?”
“Nothing!” and my hearing was completely gone in that instant. And son-of-a bitch, the images started to flood my mind like water from a broken dam. My critical mind was meekly protesting somewhere from afar. My logical mind whispered that these are just hypnotically induced visions. I did not care, I enjoyed the ride.
It started from complete silence and rapid spirals descend. The deeper that I spiraled I noticed a green forest from horizon to horizon. I did not see nor feel myself. I was NOTHING.
“What a prig, he let me hypnotize myself” I thought as I continue descending down. I see a body of water; waves were hitting the shores, no sound. White foam sticks to the cliffs, looks soft and attractive, I land into it. And my hearing was back; at first it was the waves hitting the stones and then I expanded, I could hear the wind in the woods. The vision stopped there but there was another and another and another fragment from different times and settings.
Later I wrote it all down and put it in a shoe box, just to find it later. There was about a half a dozen entries. And every next one was longer and more detailed from the previous one.
When I analyzed it, I was astonished at how correctly it portrayed my character, twenty years later, mind you: my likes, dislikes my strength, weaknesses my secret wishes and desires…
On second thought, there are no barriers for our twisted minds to fit anything into any frame to please our ego and continue to remain anonymous and rampage unrestrained.